I’ve never been one to publically display my political views or beliefs. But, this election season is certainly different than any other I’ve ever experienced. With that said, I’ve heard a lot of people say they’re not satisfied with either of the choices for President this time around. So, that got me to thinking, what if my two daughters were running for President? What would their campaign promises be? What agendas would they try to push? At ages 7 and 5, they certainly have minds of the own. So, let’s take a look, shall we? As both of their campaign managers, I have some insight.
Presidential Campaign of my 7-year-old:
Promises:
If you elect me as your President, I would provide taco supplies to each & every American household once a week because tacos are yummy and everyone should eat them. I would also abolish all bed times and all rules that kids need to sleep in their own beds. After all, they made mommy’s bed big so that must mean I can sleep in it too. As Justin Bieber as my Vice President, I would make sure everyone in America has his latest CD at all times, even the non-Beliebers.
Slogan: The only thing we have to fear is bedtime itself.
Health Care: Everyone would be guaranteed one sticker after each routine doctor’s appointment, but not at specialists. There are no excuses for running out. You’re a doctor’s office. You know people like stickers. Get with the program.
Taxes: No taxes on money collected from The Tooth Fairy, Santa, or any of their cousins (even second and third ones).
Jobs: You should get one. I plan on becoming a teacher, hair dresser, nail person, and writer, that’s after I become your President of course.
Education: I actually like to go to school, so you should go too. But, I’m really trying to get the perfect attendance award. So, if you miss a day, oh well. That’s less competition for me.
That’s what the 7-year-old is banking on. Now let’s take a look at the 5-year-old.
Presidential Campaign of my 5-year-old:
Promises:
If you elect me as your President I will make sure ice cream is put on the dinner menu and not the dessert menu. We all know ice cream is a meal so it needs to be treated as one. I will make sure each and every American has their own teddy bear to sleep with every night. Expecting anyone to sleep without one is just cruel and unusual punishment. Any walls that need to be built will be built with my Jenga blocks or Duplos. They will probably be knocked over and rebuilt over and over again on a daily basis. Oh well. One last thing, as Pharell Williams as my Vice President, we will all be happy all the time.
Slogan: Ask not what your Teddy Bear can do for you, but what you can do for your Teddy Bear!
Health Care: Under my presidency there will be no more boring Band-Aids sold anywhere. All Band-Aids will have characters. No one uses brown ones anymore. Not having characters is just inhumane.
Taxes: Everyone getting more than $2 a week for allowance will have to pay taxes. I firmly believe the rich need to do their part.
Jobs: That’s why I’m running for President. Do you know anyone who’s hiring 5-year-olds? I don’t. Duh.
Education: Each child will receive proper Shopkins training so that they can learn the names of each Shopkin from every season. Education is key people. This is important stuff.
So I think that pretty much sums up the campaigns of both of my pint-sized candidates.
On a serious note, I did ask each of them what they would do if they were President. They actually both said they would help poor people and give them food and houses. They didn’t say how they would pay for it all. But, everyone would have a house and enough food, which I thought was sweet. Oh, and my five-year-old wants to buy everyone flowers! So, she’s got that going for her too!
I don’t know about you, but I kinda like these presidential choices better. I can get on board with stickers and teddy bears in a heart beat, can’t you?