Why do Kids Hate to Wipe Their Own Butts?

Why do kids hate to wipe their own butts? As a mom, I know cleaning butts comes with the territory. I’ve handled many diaper changes and blow outs as I’m sure you all have too. But, at what age do you have to pass the toilet paper torch down to your child? There comes a point when they have to start taking responsibility for their own butts, both figuratively and literally. Right?

I honestly thought that would happen in my house when my kids started going to full-time Kindergarten. Teachers certainly aren’t going to do it. That’s not part of the curriculum. So, kids have to take matters into their own hands, so to speak.  But, my kids have not.

I should have known that the whole “wipe your butt at school” thing wasn’t going to work when my now 7-year-old daughter was horrified at the idea of pooping at school. When I told her that those school tacos may have her running for the border she vowed never to poop in school. Two years later, she’s kept her word. Needless to say, she still isn’t volunteering for the clean-up committee. At home, I get the dreaded, “I’m done” call which means come and clean my butt.  Before I say a big hello to King Charmin, I do tell her to do it herself. The look of disgust I get is incredible. I can see in her eyes what she’s thinking.

You want me to clean my own butt? You must have had too much wine mommy. That will never happen silly lady. Now clean my butt!

To avoid a major craptastrophe, I oblige for the one-hundredth time in my mommy career.

Her little sister isn’t much better. But, I can cut her a little more slack since she just turned five. We also had the “you’re going to have to clean your butt at school talk” too this past summer. She wasn’t buying it either. She also took a solemn pledge to the poopy gods to never go number two at school. Just like her sister, she’s kept her word. Sigh.

But, I may get a bit of a reprieve with number 2…child number 2 that is. Although I still get the dreaded “I’m done” calls, she has actually taken the plunge a few times and cleaned her own butt at home. Was she mortified? Absolutely. Did she do it? Yes! Does she do it regularly? Nope. Sigh.

What baffles my mind about it all of this is that kids will play in mounds of dirt and grime for hours. They will spill all kinds of things over their clothes and fight you not to change them. They’ll sit in wet sand at the beach all day totally unbothered by chunks of sand getting in places they should never be. But, ask them to clean their own butts, even with a mummified hand of toilet paper, and you are asking way too much!

The only solace I find in this whole ordeal is that I know I’m not alone. I’ve talked to plenty of other moms who are battling the same problem. I know there are those of you out there who swear your kids have been wiping their own butts since they were potty trained. Talk all you want. I know you’re lying. There’s no shame in it. Hop on the wiping wagon and just admit you still have to do it like the rest of us.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll have to fight the good wipe. Hopefully my tour of duty will be over soon. For now I’ll just take it one toilet paper roll at a time.